What on earth are these and why do scores of them hold up the traffic to my office every single day?????

Driving in Mumbai for the last 9 months, I had almost forgotten how much I loved driving. Yesterday, driving on the newly opened NH8 expressway in Gurgaon in excess of 100kmph, I rediscovered my passion. Trouble is, I'll be back to maddening Mumbai traffic soon :-(

Earth wind and rain and fire,
Wealth, power, blood, desire,
One goal to live for before we die,
One taste of glory,
A mouthful of sky ...

Lately there has been so much work dumped on me, that life has become a never ending series of meetings, discussions, excel modeling and presentations. What makes matters worse is that everything is so sporadic and adhoc. You never know when you would be pulled into another meeting. And so I have switched from drinking coffee to lemon tea. Why? Well, thats the only drink available from the vending machine which can be had both hot and cold :-)

The trickiest part of being a consultant to an organization is when you get caught in a cross-fire between two departments. I happened to be a part of such a meeting a couple of days back.

What started as a "high-powered" meeting to freeze on the business plan for this organization (dilligently prepared by us and already approved by the CEO in his chamber a few days prior to the meeting ;-)) quickly turned into a slugfest which a HOD claiming the targets set for his business unit were too ambitious and hurling accusations at the other about how he garnered sympathy from the CEO (and hence softer targets) by painting a false picture of the market.

With the HODs leading the way, their flunkies¹ quickly joined the fray. With tempers soaring, we shifted uneasily in our seats as we watched the organization wash its dirty linen in front us.

Soon the debate came to be centred around a particular statistic reported in one of the corporate MIS. With everyone quoting figures supporting their argument, it became imperative to ascertain the correct number. But the gatekeeper of all information, the head of MIS cell, was not a part of this meeting. With the speaker phone on full blast, attempts were made to reach him at his desk. But he was not there. One of the flunkie quickly dialed his cell phone number. By this time almost everyone had stood up, with the two HODs fuming at each other from across the table, flanked by their set of flunkies. And then it happened.....the nasal voice of Himesh Reshammiya going Suroooooooooor filled the board room for the next two minutes. As it later turned out, this guy was driving and hence he could not pick up the phone.

Amid chuckles of laughter, tempers in the board room plummeted and the CEO decided it was the right time to call for a lunch break. With steaming "executive thalis" brought into the room, people directed all their attention to polishing it off. By the end of the meal, people were back to their back-slapping mode with a few flunkies of both camps even going out for a smoke together.

A big showdown was averted by the timely intervention of Himesh Reshammiya and another note was added to the Survival Guide for Consultants The next time you call me and hear 'Surooooor' or 'Aashiq Banaya...', well, don't be surprised :-)


¹A flunk/ flunkie typically refers to the junior most in the corporate hierarchy and hence those who get burdened by the most shittiest of jobs (like moi)

Its 8 months since I am out of b-school and into my second innings of corporate life and I can't help being amazed at the once familiar feeling striking me again. The stakes though are much higher this time around and I am actively evaluating various options where I can work my ass off and get more than adequately compensated for it :-)

As my friend Nakul wrote in one of his recent posts quoting Gordon Gekko in Wall Street

Finally my first project got over. 3 months of working nearly 24x7 has now given way to "blissfull unemployment" with roughly 6 hours spent in office everyday - reading, chatting and idling :-) Working out of the Delhi office now for the last 2 weeks, I use a multi-modal means of transportation - hopping onto a auto, bus or a rtv to reach office, depending on the circumstances. Invariably, when I am travelling by auto, I end up chatting with the auto drivers. Some snapshots of my conversations.

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Witnessing a reckless driving trying to maneuver his car through the traffic jam, resulting in more chaos, we started chatting about drivers and cars.

Auto driver 1: "Gaadi jitne zyada number ki hoti hai, utni achi hoti hain. Ab is auto ko le lo. Ek saal purani hai lekin koi aur auto ise overtake nahin kar sakta, kyonki yeh zyada number ki gaadi hai."
I (perplexed): "Zyada number se kahin aapka matlab registration number se to nahin."
Auto driver 1: "Nahin bhaisaab. Dekhiye, jab aap gaadi lene jaate hai, to ek to hota hai chassis number jo aapki gaadi mein laga hota hain. Doosra hota hai gaadi ka number jo ek parchi mein likha hota hai. Fir aap usko plate pe chapwa ke laga lete hain."
I: "Haan jaise us gaadi pe laga hua hai" (pointing towards the registration number of an overtaking zen)
Auto driver 1: "Haan wahi. Yeh number jitna zyada hota hai utni gaadi ki performance achi hoti hain."
I: "Lekin registration number to transport deptt. se milta hai, aapki kismat hai ki aapko uncha ya neecha number mile. Aur waise bhi unche neeche se gaadi ki keemat par to koi farak nahin padhta. Aur ek model ki saari gaadiyon ke spare parts ek samaan hote hain. Iska part kholke uspe laga loon to bhi koi farak nahin padhta"

I do not know whether he saw any logic in what I said, but he didn't say anything till we reached my office.

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Another day, another jam at the approach road to ITO bridge.

Auto driver 2: "Bhaisaab, yeh sab police aur builder logon ki mili bhagat hain. Police chahe to kabhi bhi itna jam nahin hoga. Lekin jahan bhi flyover banana hota hai, uske ek mahine pehle se police wahan jam lagne deti hain aur flyover ka order pass ho jata hain."

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Another day, and yet another jam at the approach road to ITO bridge (I really should start off a little earlier than my usual time)

Auto driver 3 (pointing to a man lying on the pavement): "Us aadmi ko dekh rahe hain. Kya pata woh CID ka aadmi ho."
I took a long look at the man - haggard appearance, wearing torn trousers with no shirt, lying infront of a small tea-shack and I could fathom no reason why he could be a CID officer.
Auto driver 3: "Hamare gaon mein hua tha aisa ek baar. Ek ghar mein ek khoon ho gaya tha. Uske ek do hafte baad ek bhikari us gali mein aake rehne laga. Us ghar se saamne pada rehta tha, kabhi koi kuch khane ko de de to kha leta tha. Log sochte the koi pagal aa gaya hai."
Auto driver 3: "Pata chala woh CID ka aadmi tha. Saara saaman - bandook, hatkadi, wireless - sab uski potli mein tha. CID ko shak tha us ghar ke hi kisi aadmi ne khoon kiya tha. Isiliye use wahan rakha tha. Ek hafte mein usne mamla suljha liya aur jis aadmi ka khoon hua tha uske rishtedaaro ko girftaar kar liya."

The lights changed and we started moving. I gave one last look at our "CID sleuth" and got lost in my thoughts bordering on crime fighting and melodrama.

In my limited experience, I have seen that there seems to be not much correlation between ability and designation.

Just came back home on my flyback from Mumbai. The last one month has been one of the most hectic periods of my life. Called into a project which was in its final stages, I was asked to produce deliverables right from my first evening on the project. And to think this was my first project with the firm, with a 2 and a half month break after my convocation having softened me up.

Its been an incredible experience working 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not that I haven't worked this hard before, but I have never been under so much pressure to perform. This fortnightly flyback thing is a manna from heaven for me. Thought up some solution themes for my piece of the project on the way from the airport, something which my overworked mind failed to think when I was in Mumbai.

The flip side of so much work was that I could not meet up a single friend of mine in Mumbai in one whole month. Infact I desisted from giving out my mobile number to friends; it was getting embarassing trying to explain to everyone how messed up my work-life balance was. But to those with whom I spoke, I brought in a ray of hope and cheer into their "seemingly" miserable lives :-)

Talking of Mumbai, it was a pleasure to be back driving on Delhi roads again. The average speed of transportation suddenly improved from 20kmph to a whopping 70kmph. Not to mention a smooth comfortable ride sans bone-jarring potholes. Nothing beats Delhi roads :-)

Monday morning I'll head back to Mumbai. With all the tamasha of the core team visit, hoping for any succor this week is a foregone conclusion. Hopefully once this clears up, the weeks after those would be better.

End note:
While on my way to Delhi aboard Jet Airways flight 361, one of the flight stewards sat next to me during takeoff. I got chatting with him and the following conversation ensued. (To put the conversation in context, my elder brother is a Sr. Engineer with Jet Airways).

PA: We are sorry for the delay in the departure which occured due to late arrival of the aircraft from the previous sector
Me: I heard it was a major snag at the Delhi airport.
Flight Steward: Yes sir, it occured at the last moment and hence the delay could not be avoided.
Me: Yeah I know. My brother repaired it.
Flight Steward (with a aghast expression): No sir. I assure you, we have qualified engineers who take care of such stuff...